Are truly elite soccer players, as a breed, up themselves?
I suppose I could have asked Cristiano Ronaldo, but he was a little busy in a couple of press conferences.
“Whatever happens tomorrow,” he is saying, “Cristiano will leave with a clear conscience … I’m not going to be more, or less, Cristiano because I win the World Cup … Before Cristiano, Portugal hadn’t won any title.”
Others, like Lionel Messi, were occupied thanking God for making them so great. For only God knows how beneficent he has been in giving little ol’ Lionel such skills to wow the world, particularly when many would have thought his efforts might have been better directed to helping the children of Gaza and Ukraine.
But my pièce de résistance is Norway superstar Erling Haaland, after his first goal against Brazil earlier this week. Out on the left, Andreas Schjelderup, the young Norwegian winger who had come on as a substitute, whips in a superbly weighted cross that is – ah, sing it, Dennis Cometti, one more time for the road – centimetre perfect!
The kid has the ball on a string, and it descends like a guided bomb precisely where Haaland wanted it, allowing him to unleash a lethal header into the back of the net.
Goal! Goal! GOOOOOOOAL! A goal for your life, I’ll tell a man it is!
Everyone is thrilled – none more than the substitute Schjelderup, whose skillful assist has set up the opening goal for his more high-profile teammate. Haaland runs straight towards him, and the kid puts his arms out to be embraced. Alas, Norway’s hero runs straight past him, without acknowledgement, to get closer to the crowd and feel the love. Schjelderup was obliged to run after him, and join the others in embracing him.
#WTAF? It might be that there is something I culturally don’t get. But can someone explain? In what world is it OK to be gifted such a superb pass, score, and not show a scintilla of gratitude to the one who delivered it to you? And it is not as if this is a one-off. In this World Cup, it happens all the time! The scorer doesn’t acknowledge the one who set it up, but just rushes towards the crowd to maximise their adulation of him.
In any other sport – at least in this nation – you’d call them wankers, yes?
Many journeys, one jersey
At its best, sport can be a wonderful force for social change and social justice. Few sports are better in this regard than the NRL, which has really gone out of its way to be inclusive of all races, creeds and sexualities. (Perhaps not purely motivated by altruism – among other things, it just makes good business sense to make clear that you genuinely want one and all, not just straight white people, to make your turnstiles turn.)
But this week, it was a returning young Socceroo of whom we can be most proud. At a time when charlatans – you heard me – are seeking to profit from those who specialise in trying to turn us all against each other, Awer Mabil, the 2023 Young Australian of the Year and one of the squad’s many refugee success stories, was asked a simple question: What do you make of the suggestions – as put forward by Pauline Hanson – that Australia should be a “monocultural” society, rather than a multicultural one? Mabil reflected for a moment, before quietly asking if he could swear?
Yes. Go on.
“It’s all bullshit,” he said. “When somebody tries to divide people based on certain things. Because you don’t pick where you’re born, you don’t pick the colour of your skin. You pick to be a good human being. Yes, that’s a choice. Some people, they choose against being good. That’s their own problem. Then they’re missing out on what others can bring. That’s what multiculturalism does. It brings other flavours to the table, instead of just one thing. So that’s how I see it, and that’s how the group sees it, also. It’s many journeys, with one jersey.”
On ya, mate. You make us proud.
Master coach Laurie?
So, after that superb win by the Blues against Queensland on Wednesday night, all of those who previously thought Laurie Daley’s coaching was off the pace, and said so, got it wrong? You’re saying that sole win proves he was, in fact, the heir incarnate to Jack Gibson, Craig Bellamy and Wayne Bennett as a Master Coach all along?
Sorry, no.
By any measure, the Blues were completely off the pace in Origin I, saved only by Kalyn Ponga being sent off and a miracle try by James Tedesco at the death. They were dreadful in Origin II. How could any serious commentator say otherwise? Both are demonstrable facts. And the fact they were great in Origin III changes nowt any of the above.
It restores Laurie’s record to two wins out of seven series, and good luck to him. We can all feel good about the result, and the fact that this win allows him a fabulous exit from a very difficult position. But all the carry-on about how we commentators were being big, wrong-headed, meanies in opining he was not Gibson-Bellamy-Bennett III, is a nonsense.
And – in for a penny, in for a pounding – I might as well say the same about Benji Marshall as coach of the Tigers. Great bloke. Fabulous player. But as the badly drifting Tigers, and the coming loss of Jarome Luai – a year before his contract is out – surely attest, it is becoming ever clearer that Benji might be just one more example of greatness as a player not translating into equal glory as a coach. Fire at will. See if I care. I will be in my trailer.
Get your heads round this
Meantime, despite the great spectacle that was Origin III, the number of concussions and seeming concussions was horrifying. The confirmed ones on James Tedesco and Jack Bostock were sickening. My friend Dr Rowena Mobbs, one of the country’s experts in this field, makes a great suggestion.
“Instead of calling it a ‘Head Injury Assessment’,” she floats, “why not call it for what it is? A Brain Injury Assessment.”
That works for me, and it is not trivial. Language is important. One bloke smashing another in the back of the head used to be called a “king hit.” Changing it to the more accurate “coward punch” helped to attach a deserved stigma to that horrific act.
Calling it a Brain Injury Assessment would highlight the gravity of what is at stake: overall brain health. Every week now, I hear more news of former players in worse trouble in this field, and both they and their families are suffering ever more.
Would it be also asking too much of the NRL to set aside some of the $5.3 billion from its new broadcast deal to help those suffering through having played that game?
And if you or your family are indeed suffering through suspected CTE, Dr Mobbs recommends, as a first port of call, calling ConneCTErs Australia on their helpline: 1800 199 955.
Wallabies within a whisker
The Wallabies against Ireland last week? As you know, it proved to be another noble defeat, something in which they have specialised in lately. The pity of it was that in that match our blokes at last had a seriously good line-out, an effective scrum, and a halves combination that actually worked. Carter Gordon at five-eighth, particularly, was a revelation.
They were good enough to go within a whisker of beating the third ranked team in the world in their first match of the season. We’ll see more of what they’ve got against the French on Saturday, but I live in hope. This team has seriously grown over the past two years. We just need to turn some of those noble defeats into wonderful victories.
What They Said
Girls creator Lena Dunham, who spoke at Taylor Swift’s wedding, joking during the rehearsal dinner speech: “American football is just straight guys re-enacting gay porn.” There is no record of whether the groom, NFL star Travis Kelce, laughed.
Laurie Daley: “When people have a crack when they don’t even come to a training session, they won’t front up to press conferences? Show some balls. Where are they now?” Composing my column, Laurie. (See above item.)
Donald Trump on his disgraceful intervention which apparently persuaded FIFA to unsuspend American player Folarin Balogun after his red card suspension, so he could play against Belgium in the round of 16: “I’m the one that got them to do it.”
UEFA statement on red card-gate: “We express our disbelief at such an unprecedented, incomprehensible and unjustifiable decision.”
Trump backtracking: “All I did was ask for a review. I didn’t say, ‘You have to do this’.”
Finally, the Belgian football federation after their 4-1 win: “Overturn this.”
Egypt’s Mohamed Salah after his side’s 3-2 loss to Argentina, having led 2-0 with ten minutes to go: “It’s God’s decree and what he willed happened regarding what took place. Let’s build on this, and what’s coming will be good, God willing.” Mo, if there is a God, how could Trump be in the Oval Office? Huh? HUH? Crickets.
English journalist Henry Winter tweeted after Egypt had a goal disallowed because the VAR had detected a foul much earlier in the play: “If VAR had gone back any further in that Egyptian move Tutankhamun would be involved.”
Novak Djokovic asked to compare himself to Lionel Messi after his five-hour Wimbledon quarter-final: “It would be nice to play 90 minutes like him.”
Former Brazilian soccer international Neto on his successors: “It’s a generation that won f— all. . . It was a shameful campaign and these guys are losers. It’s a generation of lies.” Yes, yes, yes, but apart from THAT, how did you enjoy the theatre, Mrs Lincoln? (Too soon?)
Aryna Sabalenka on her Wimbledon elimination: “I f—ed it up this year. Next year I’ll try to do better. I just want to go and get completely drunk, forget about tennis, and try to get in better shape.”
Alex De Minaur after his Wimbledon elimination: “I’m broken inside. That’s the reality. You invest so many hours into this job and so many years to have moments like these. Not being able to live up to it is truly heartbreaking. It’s very hard.”
Peter V’landys on the new NRL TV deal: “Don’t listen to what other people tell you, especially down south. We are the No.1-viewed sport in Australia. The deal future-proofs the game for everybody … our ambition is to grow the game globally.”
Cape Verde player Roberto ‘Pico’ Lopes: “One of the best things to come from this World Cup is nobody asks where Cape Verde is on the map any more – this is history in itself for us. We’ve put ourselves on the map.” (It’s an island which I presume has a great cape, about 600 kilometres west of Africa in the Atlantic.)
Zlatan Ibrahimovic sending out love to 18-year-old Socceroo Lucas Herrington after his penalty miss: “Penalty is like lottery. You score, you become a hero. You don’t score, sadly, you become zero. But I just want to reach out to Herrington. You’re 18 years old, you’re young. This is just the beginning of your career. You stepping up there showed a lot of courage. Not everybody would do that.”
Mark Schwarzer on Tony Popovic’s tactics in the loss to Egypt: “Bringing players on to take a penalty, I get that, but I don’t get the goalkeeper thing. As a goalkeeper, you can’t just go in there.”
Team of the week
NSW. Won a Lang Park State of Origin decider for just the fourth time in 14 attempts. In terms of series wins, the ledger now stands at Queensland leading 25-18.
Australia. Won the women’s T20 cricket World Cup.
Cameron Myers. Not that you’d know, but in the two most recent Diamond League meetings, the 20-year-old Australian has broken the Australian 1500m and Mile records while winning each event with times of 3.28.00 and 3.46.06.
Ange Postecoglou. Going to manage Saudi Arabian club Al-Nassr, featuring Cristiano Ronaldo.
Peter FitzSimons is a journalist and columnist with The Sydney Morning Herald.Connect via X.From our partners
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