Perth has always come with a bit of wildness, however. Melbourne, by contrast, is supposed to be the showpiece of the cricket year, where the nation sits down either in their usual MCG seats or on the couch in front of the TV to take in the ebb and flow.
This game was all flow and precious little ebb. It started, apparently, with curator Matt Page’s decision not to shave back the 10 millimetres of thick, thatchy grass on top of the pitch. Page was seen deep in conversation with Australia’s coach Andrew McDonald and stand-in captain Steve Smith more than once in the build-up.
How those conversations went, only they know. But there was no indication Australia were unhappy with the carpet of grass for their seam attack, only that they thought it pointless to pick a spin bowler.
Jake Weatherald is bowled.Credit: Christopher Hopkins
Ben Stokes won the toss and chose to bowl for the first time in the series. His seamers rewarded him by rolling Australia for 152, before the hosts responded by razing England for 110. At that stage, with Scott Boland snicking a boundary from Boxing Day’s last ball, the Australians were dominant. As for the pitch, there was optimism in the home camp that it would settle down for batting. Not so.
Not a bit of it, in fact. Tracking data on day 2 showed a pitch that had quickened up while also offering more seam movement than on day 1. The indentations created in the first innings of the game had hardened, creating the opportunity for balls to jump. After Boland and Jake Weatherald fell early, it was the sight of Stokes hitting Marnus Labuschagne twice on the gloves in successive balls that got tongues wagging in the broadcast suite.
At the other end, it was England’s Tongue, Josh, who wagged for the second day in a row, defeating Labuschagne and Usman Khawaja when the latter shaped to duck a sharp bouncer then waved his bat at it too late for any control. When the top edge settled in sub-fielder Ollie Pope’s hand at fine leg, England started to look like favourites.
Brydon Carse, far too short for most of the series, belatedly threatened the top of the stumps. The away movement he found to bowl Travis Head (top scorer in the match with 46) was so expansive as to draw a rueful smile from Australia’s vice captain.
Smith and Cameron Green threatened briefly to build a partnership, only for the young all-rounder to hang his bat out at Stokes – one dismissal that had very little to do with the pitch and all to do with the match situation.
That the Ashes are already decided can be neatly measured by the collapsibility of the Australian tail. Stokes and Carse swept up Australia’s last four wickets for 13, after England had collected the same quartet for nine on day one.
Notionally, Australia still had a big chance, with the pitch still doing plenty and the bowlers fresh. But England had, as Head did in Perth, the advantage of attacking the target in white-ball fashion, which they did well enough to prevail.
Curiously, Smith did not hand the ball to Boland until after 10 overs had elapsed and 70 runs scored. Ben Duckett (34) made his most impactful contribution of the series, Zak Crawley chipped his way to 37 and Pope’s replacement Jacob Bethell carved a sensible 40.
These were the scores of club cricket, not Tests. In a two-day affair, they were enough to win England their first Ashes match on Australian soil in almost 15 years. But this match and this pitch cannot be representative of Test cricket; if it is, then cricket’s grandest and oldest form will be in trouble.
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